I Say It Best When I Say Nothing At All.....

I am surprised at how much time is dedicated to the weather in a short 30-minute newscast. Granted, during a time like Hurricane Katrina, weather is a fascinating segment, but in most cases, the Seven Day Forecast being broadcast and re-broadcast every few minutes is very exhausting. Even radio programs have to tell us about traffic and weather together every 10 minutes. I can see traffic conditions changing frequently, but how often do I need to know it is likely to be sunny? I usually lick my finger and stick it in the air, and I can get a pretty good idea. I also find it interesting that years ago, the weatherman would only predict the weather two to three days out. It then increased to 5 days, and then 7 and finally, they're telling us what will happen 14 days from now. Come on! Who can really tell you what the weather will be like after tomorrow? They have all kinds of fancy satellites and Doppler and Storm Tracker and things that would be really cool on a Corvette, but...

As I am sitting here, I am flipping through a book that belongs to Jeff. It is called the Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook. In the very beginning of the book there is a WARNING. When a life is imperiled or a dire situation is at hand, safe alternatives may not exist. To deal with the worst-case scenarios presented in ths book, we highly recommend--insist, actually--that the best course of action is to consult a professionally trained expert. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO UNDERTAKE ANY OF THE ACTIVITIES DESCRIBED IN THIS BOOK YOURSELF. It is fascinating to see the perilous situations outlined in this book. Some of them are: How to Escape from Quicksand, How to Escape from a Sinking Car, How to Fend Off a Shark, How to Wrestle Free from an Alligator, How to Escape from Killer Bees, How to Win a Sword Fight, How to Land a Plane, How to Survive If Your Parachute Fails to Open. Wow! Can you only hope your life would be so exciting that you may actually face these types of situations? The authors ...

We just recently returned from a great trip out to Oregon and we also had the privilege of spending a couple of days on the coast. I love the Oregon Coast. Anytime we make the trip out there, the time near the ocean is always the most cherished. On this trip, we decided to camp at Beverly Beach for the two days we would be there. The first year Cora and I were married, we camped at the same place. This was going to be an entirely new experience, however, because this time five children came along with us. Albeit the experience was relatively trouble free, tenting with no mattress is not on my list of fun things to do. After sleeping on the hard ground, even though I wake to the song of birds and the love of my life lying next to me, I got my day started with problems. My back, neck and every limb are screaming at me for not giving them the proper support throughout the night. Not only do I ache, but my bladder is so full, any external pressure would cause the balloon to burst. I...

It was Cora's birthday on Thursday. Happy Birthday Honey! Sorry about the cake. You think I forgot to make one. The somewhat fabricated story goes like this: I was sitting at work on Thursday and realized I was completely prepared for your birthday with the exception of your cake. I wanted this to be a special cake, so I Google'd to find out how to make a great chocolate cake. I came across a recipe that apparently is the World's Most Perfectly Moist Chocolate Cake. The recipe required a visit to the Chocolate Factory, currently operated by Charlie Bucket. I checked my schedule and figured if all the stars were aligned, I could get to the factory, bake your cake, and be home in time to go out to dinner. When I arrived at the Chocolate Factory, an Oompa Loompa greeted me. Because I am small in stature, the Oompa Loompa believed I was his cousin, Dominic. He scolded me for having snuck out of the factory that night. He quickly escorted me to the locker room and had me change...

We had an interesting experience early Sunday morning. All of the fire alarms in the house went off around 5:00 AM. Immediately, we popped out of bed and gathered the children. I then decided to be the Stupid Brave Man who walks about the house looking for the fire. I don't know what I would have done had I actually found the fire, but it was the Stupid Manly thing to do. Oh, the things we men will do to show everybody around us that we are special! Coralee called the fire department and had them come out to the house to check the place out. Fortunately, there was no fire, but nobody can explain what was setting off all of the fire alarms. Perhaps the "ghost of fire starters' past" decided to pay us a visit. The firemen, in their gear, went through the house. The explanation we received from them was, "perhaps a spider is nesting in the fire alarms, and he passed over the sensor." At 5:00 AM, the explanation seemed reasonable, but when I was truly conscious ...