I Say It Best When I Say Nothing At All.....

You married men have been in this situation before. How many times have you been chastised for leaving the toilet seat up? Have you ever asked yourself why it's such a big deal? I have the answer, my friends. During the daytime, it is a frustration for your spouse to take the time to put the toilet seat back down, but the real dilemma happens at night. One of the great things about being a woman is they have the ability to use the bathroom without having to turn on a light. They just drop the drawers and back in! If that toilet seat is missing from the throne, your lady friend WILL fall in. Just after such an event, imagine the husband's surprise when he is greeted by an enraged woman who no longer looks anything like his wife. Well, we men are not so fortunate in our potty-usage abilities. In the late hours, have you ever tried the tinkle in the dark? Of course you have......I'm sure you thought you were being the good husband by not turning on the bathroom light...

It is not very often that I am home late enough in the mornings to have breakfast with my family. On the occasion I do get to have breakfast with them, it is an entertaining event. Nathan always insists that he has the same cereal Jeff does. This morning, Nathan was dressed and ready for breakfast before Jeff was. I asked Nathan what he wanted for breakfast and he responded the same way he does every morning, "what did Jeff have?" I answered, "Jeff hasn't had breakfast yet, so what would you like?" After wrestling with this point for a couple of minutes, he finally decided oatmeal would be okay. Jeff then came up for breakfast. He poured a bowl of Lucky Charms. Almost immediately, Nathan moaned, "Oh! Jeff never eats the same thing I eat!"

Derek tipped me off to a great brand of potato chips, Tim's Chips. After you've experienced a Tim's chip, there will be no going back to anything else. As I'm typing this, I'm muching away on some Lay's Classic potato chips. The back of the bag says, "Once you experience the first perfectly crisp chip from a freshly opened bag of Lay's Potato Chips, you'll understand why NO ONE CAN EAT JUST ONE!" Well, my friends, I figured out why they say this........I can't find a perfectly crisp chip, therefore, I guess I can't eat just one.

One of our favorite past-times is to watch the 10 o'clock news on ABC4. In the month of December, one of the field reporters, Reed Cowan, had the headline story of the night. It was on the dangers of Christmas trees and how quickly they can burn. To demonstrate his point, he had a stopwatch in his hand and two firemen nearby. He began, "I have this stopwatch here to show how quickly this tree will be consumed by fire. These good firemen are here to assist me." He then instructed them to proceed in burning the tree. He pressed the button on the stop watch and continued...... Well, my friends, that poor tree never did catch on fire. A rather red-faced and embarrassed reporter had the camera pan away from the tree and he wrapped up his feature with no visual demonstration to punctuate his story. A couple of nights ago, it was Reed Cowan's turn to report on the destruction of homes near the Santa Clara river in St. George, UT. Reporters had been stationed there throughout...

Watching a movie with my brother, Curtis, is always entertaining. He can't resist dropping a spoiler or two during the feature. "Ooooh, I love this part," he exclaims, "you may want to close your eyes if your squeamish." He continues, "when that lion catches this guy, you can hear the bones crunching." Thanks Curt. Never mind me while I pelt you with popcorn! I have discovered this week, however, that spoiling a movie for my children is a good thing. I guess they want that self assurance that everything will be okay. My case in point: I watched Return of the Jedi with my boys over the weekend. We were at the part when Luke is confronted by Darth Vader and the Emperor. They are trying to persuade him to join the "dark side". The darker theme made Nathan nervous. He said, "Dad, my tummy is telling me I should go play with my train set in my room." I figured this was a good time to let him know everything was goi...

I woke up this morning and shoveled a couple of inches of partly cloudy out of my driveway. I actually look forward to the winter season. It's a wonderful time, with the exception to that crazy holiday where a large man in a red suit gets himself stuck in my chimney every year. I figure I'll leave him there this year. I'm sure we will get used to the smell. The true benefit will be like a toilet that is clogged. Nothing will go down! It sort of changes the logic of "what goes up, must come down!"......I don't know what that means! One of the added benefits to the winter season is having a refrigerator large enough to drive cars into. Anyone who knows me is familiar with my love for diet sodas. Can you imagine what type of a poster child I may be for Pepsi if I filled the entire garage with Diet Mountain Dew? Anywhooo....back to shoveling partly cloudy. Cora and I both agreed that we would never buy another 'north facing' home. Well, because that was ou...