Yes, call me crazy, but I put my dog, Jack Bauer, on my company's website as one of the employees. Yes, he also has an email address, jbauer@aspenhillsmortgage.com.
In tribute to Jack, Scott sent me a great email:
50 Facts about Jack Bauer (from 24)
1. Only Jack Bauer can fly a plane from the
luggage compartment.
2. The city of Los Angeles once named a street
after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city
several times. They had to rename it after people
kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No
one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
3. Going to China is all part of Jack Bauer's
master plan to rid the world of Communism.
4. Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use
the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making
him angry.
5. Surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and
handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to
himself and said, "I have them right where I want
them."
6. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler,
Stalin and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2
bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
7. If Jack Bauer's gun jams, It's because he
wanted to beat you with it.
8. If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's
instructions, it would be called "12."
9. Jack Bauer is the only human in the world with
the ability to make Chloe O'Brien drop the personality
disorder and patch him through.
10. My husband doesn't wish he was Jack Bauer. He
wishes I was Jack Bauer.
11. Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock
knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who
they worked for, and where the bomb was.
12. Jack Bauer's calendar goes from March 31st to
April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer
13. Upon hearing that he was played by Keifer
Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer
gets played by no man.
14. There have been no terrorist attacks in the US
since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.
15. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He
then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until
he gave up the location of the keys.
16. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack
Bauer spared your life.
17. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer.
Sounds like a fair fight.
18. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
19. The state of California plans to reduce violent
crime by changing the method of capital punishment
from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.
20. When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer
found it and put it back.
21. If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken,
and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef,
then it's fricken beef.
22. When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to
kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
23. Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
24. A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many
people were getting hurt for trying to play "Jack".
25. Let's get one thing straight, the only reason
you're conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does
not feel like carrying you.
26. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully
loaded gun and won.
27. American Idol is only popular because it has
commercials for 24.
28. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3
moves.
29. It's no use crying over spilt milk…Unless that
was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
30. Jack Bauer was never addicted to Heroin. Heroin
was addicted to Jack Bauer.
31. On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down
"Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A
on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems
with violence.
32. Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless
phone.
33. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in
Middle Eastern men.
34. Jack Bauer doesn't have a firewall on his PC. He
has a Bauerwall. It's basically just a JPEG of Jack
Bauer. No virus has ever attacked Jack Bauer's PC.
EVER!!
35. Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the
hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on
the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can't
believe that wuss went to the hospital first.
36. Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only
Bauer's Law: Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved
in a period of 24 hours.
37. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It
just makes him ANGRY!
38. If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd
move to the back of the bus.
39. There is the right way, the wrong way, and the
Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way but
faster and more deaths.
40. When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack
replies, "Previously, on 24…"
41. In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and
saved the world 4 times. What the heck have you done
with your life?
42. In order to control illegal immigration in the
US, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack
Bauer along the US/Mexico border.
43. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you
it's because he was shooting at another terrorist
twelve miles away.
44. Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to
self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's Jack
Bauer.
45. RIP Edgar. If you see this give it a 10. Just
cuz it's what Edgar would have wanted.
46. Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack
Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
47. The truth may hurt, but it doesn't hurt as much
as Jack Bauer.
48. Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes
fingers.
49. Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a
direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is,
in fact, still alive.
50. Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages,
but he can make any foreigner speak English in a
matter of minutes.
In tribute to Jack, Scott sent me a great email:
50 Facts about Jack Bauer (from 24)
1. Only Jack Bauer can fly a plane from the
luggage compartment.
2. The city of Los Angeles once named a street
after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city
several times. They had to rename it after people
kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No
one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
3. Going to China is all part of Jack Bauer's
master plan to rid the world of Communism.
4. Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use
the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making
him angry.
5. Surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and
handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to
himself and said, "I have them right where I want
them."
6. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler,
Stalin and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2
bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
7. If Jack Bauer's gun jams, It's because he
wanted to beat you with it.
8. If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's
instructions, it would be called "12."
9. Jack Bauer is the only human in the world with
the ability to make Chloe O'Brien drop the personality
disorder and patch him through.
10. My husband doesn't wish he was Jack Bauer. He
wishes I was Jack Bauer.
11. Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock
knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who
they worked for, and where the bomb was.
12. Jack Bauer's calendar goes from March 31st to
April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer
13. Upon hearing that he was played by Keifer
Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer
gets played by no man.
14. There have been no terrorist attacks in the US
since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.
15. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He
then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until
he gave up the location of the keys.
16. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack
Bauer spared your life.
17. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer.
Sounds like a fair fight.
18. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
19. The state of California plans to reduce violent
crime by changing the method of capital punishment
from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.
20. When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer
found it and put it back.
21. If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken,
and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef,
then it's fricken beef.
22. When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to
kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
23. Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
24. A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many
people were getting hurt for trying to play "Jack".
25. Let's get one thing straight, the only reason
you're conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does
not feel like carrying you.
26. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully
loaded gun and won.
27. American Idol is only popular because it has
commercials for 24.
28. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3
moves.
29. It's no use crying over spilt milk…Unless that
was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
30. Jack Bauer was never addicted to Heroin. Heroin
was addicted to Jack Bauer.
31. On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down
"Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A
on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems
with violence.
32. Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless
phone.
33. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in
Middle Eastern men.
34. Jack Bauer doesn't have a firewall on his PC. He
has a Bauerwall. It's basically just a JPEG of Jack
Bauer. No virus has ever attacked Jack Bauer's PC.
EVER!!
35. Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the
hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on
the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can't
believe that wuss went to the hospital first.
36. Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only
Bauer's Law: Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved
in a period of 24 hours.
37. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It
just makes him ANGRY!
38. If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd
move to the back of the bus.
39. There is the right way, the wrong way, and the
Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way but
faster and more deaths.
40. When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack
replies, "Previously, on 24…"
41. In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and
saved the world 4 times. What the heck have you done
with your life?
42. In order to control illegal immigration in the
US, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack
Bauer along the US/Mexico border.
43. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you
it's because he was shooting at another terrorist
twelve miles away.
44. Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to
self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's Jack
Bauer.
45. RIP Edgar. If you see this give it a 10. Just
cuz it's what Edgar would have wanted.
46. Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack
Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
47. The truth may hurt, but it doesn't hurt as much
as Jack Bauer.
48. Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes
fingers.
49. Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a
direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is,
in fact, still alive.
50. Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages,
but he can make any foreigner speak English in a
matter of minutes.
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