Kitty Stalker

There is a cat that likes to hang around outside my office. I made the mistake of feeding him jerky, and ever since then, I can't get rid of him. He is a very friendly cat. He'll sit outside my window each and every day and beg for attention.

If I go outside, he'll immediately cling to my leg and follow-me to the ends of the earth. When I enter the building, he'll quickly try to sneak into the office, and he usually succeeds. Then, I repeat the cycle of luring the cat out of the office with a piece of meat. Can you see my dilemma? I'm a fool!

Just a few minutes ago, I decided it was time to check the mail, but I could see the cat sitting outside my window. I knew that if I went outside, he would follow me into the office and then I'd have to try and figure out how to get rid of him again.

I told Randall about my dilemma. He laughed and said, "you are controlled by your fears."

I, right then and there, decided I would prove Randall wrong. I planned a covert operation. I mapped out a different route to the mailbox and I exited the building through a different door, on the opposite side of the building from where the cat was.

I successfully navigated my way to the mailbox, but as I removed my key from the mailbox, I realized the cat had spotted me and was prancing to my location.

I quickly retreated, following my footsteps back to the door I had left. My pace was quick, and I constantly glanced back over my shoulder to see if the cat was following me. He was, so I broke into a run, still glancing over my shoulder.

In my attempt to do this, I realized there were several people in the parking lot who witnessed this entire procedure. One individual pointed his finger and laughed.

In an attempt to avoid ridicule and to preserve my manhood, I realize I cannot leave this building tonight until all of these people end their shifts and leave this parking lot. I think I will also dress in Randall-like clothing and ask Randall if I can borrow his car for a week.