I got around to changing the oil on our Honda Accord today. We've only had this car since last summer, but this is the first time I've taken the time to get the oil changed. Yes, I know, you are gasping with such a horrible revelation. "No oil change in nearly a year? Shame on you! How can you be such a bad parent? What's next? You gonna make it do push-ups until it throws up?"
I figure my penance came by the amount of time I set aside today to get the oil changed. Would you believe I left my office at 12:00 this afternoon and I did not return until 2:30?
I checked the vehicle in at the local Wal-Mart and was advised it would be 45 minutes. "Okay," I said, "no problem. I'll just wander about the store for a little while."
About 45 minutes later, I returned to see my car still patiently standing in line, waiting his turn. He winked at me and I blushed. “Don’t go away, son. Daddy will just sit here in the waiting room and watch Judge Judy.”
What an interesting program! A man was suing an ex-girlfriend for stealing $1500 in traveler’s checks. She claimed the money was given to her. I don’t remember the outcome of the case, but I found the commercials between programming to be interesting. There is definitely a certain demographic who watches this type of programming in the afternoon. The advertisements included the following themes: post date checks for cash, reconnect your disconnected telephone, call this number to meet someone of the opposite sex, hire a private investigator to keep tabs on your significant other, hire an attorney to sue for what is rightfully yours, go to school to be a law enforcement officer, WASH….RINSE….REPEAT! I wonder how many people who watch afternoon television have followed this cycle of events. The fortunate ones probably make their way to the Jerry Springer show.
Well, it has been an hour now, how’s my boy doing?
I look through the window from the waiting room, and there is the Honda doing a little jig. I guess he has to go to the bathroom. “Just a few more minutes,” I shout. I didn’t want him to lose his place in line. Besides, I know how he feels about using public restrooms. “Just hold it! Think about walking through the desert with a bag of sunflower seeds.”
I sat down to a new program: Judge Brown. Wow! What a cool guy he is. Somebody says something that makes him think of the movie The Godfather. He makes a Marlon Brando impression, but the Plaintiff continues talking over him during his performance, so Judge Brown awards the case to the Defendant. “I am in the middle of something here,” he says, and again starts his impersonation by putting his hand up to his face and talks in a low whisper with an Italian accent, “Someday - and that day may never come - I'll call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, accept this justice as a gift on my daughter's wedding day.”
Gripping! I may not want to go back to work. Commercial break. Time to look out the window again.
Well, Honda is no longer in line. There he is standing at the window peering in. Texas Law is about to start. I didn’t know it, but Honda is a Big Fan. I guess he must sneak away every afternoon while I’m at my desk working. I had to scold him. “Get back in line or I’m gonna have to spank your trunk!” He quickly waddled back into line.
I don’t even know who the Justice is in this program, but he’s definitely from Texas. The Plaintiff in this case was an owner of a wedding reception center. She was suing a young lady for $4000 for giving too little notice for the cancellation of her wedding. I think the owner of the reception center would have dropped the allegations if the young lady would consider falling in love with the former fiancé again. After a few minutes of debate, the gavel came down and the ruling was for the Defendant to fall in love with somebody and marry him at Plaintiff’s reception center. You gotta love Texas!
2:15 pm
Honda is out in the parking lot honking his horn….. A man’s voice comes over the PA system: “Mr. Moser, your car is ready.”
I figure my penance came by the amount of time I set aside today to get the oil changed. Would you believe I left my office at 12:00 this afternoon and I did not return until 2:30?
I checked the vehicle in at the local Wal-Mart and was advised it would be 45 minutes. "Okay," I said, "no problem. I'll just wander about the store for a little while."
About 45 minutes later, I returned to see my car still patiently standing in line, waiting his turn. He winked at me and I blushed. “Don’t go away, son. Daddy will just sit here in the waiting room and watch Judge Judy.”
What an interesting program! A man was suing an ex-girlfriend for stealing $1500 in traveler’s checks. She claimed the money was given to her. I don’t remember the outcome of the case, but I found the commercials between programming to be interesting. There is definitely a certain demographic who watches this type of programming in the afternoon. The advertisements included the following themes: post date checks for cash, reconnect your disconnected telephone, call this number to meet someone of the opposite sex, hire a private investigator to keep tabs on your significant other, hire an attorney to sue for what is rightfully yours, go to school to be a law enforcement officer, WASH….RINSE….REPEAT! I wonder how many people who watch afternoon television have followed this cycle of events. The fortunate ones probably make their way to the Jerry Springer show.
Well, it has been an hour now, how’s my boy doing?
I look through the window from the waiting room, and there is the Honda doing a little jig. I guess he has to go to the bathroom. “Just a few more minutes,” I shout. I didn’t want him to lose his place in line. Besides, I know how he feels about using public restrooms. “Just hold it! Think about walking through the desert with a bag of sunflower seeds.”
I sat down to a new program: Judge Brown. Wow! What a cool guy he is. Somebody says something that makes him think of the movie The Godfather. He makes a Marlon Brando impression, but the Plaintiff continues talking over him during his performance, so Judge Brown awards the case to the Defendant. “I am in the middle of something here,” he says, and again starts his impersonation by putting his hand up to his face and talks in a low whisper with an Italian accent, “Someday - and that day may never come - I'll call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, accept this justice as a gift on my daughter's wedding day.”
Gripping! I may not want to go back to work. Commercial break. Time to look out the window again.
Well, Honda is no longer in line. There he is standing at the window peering in. Texas Law is about to start. I didn’t know it, but Honda is a Big Fan. I guess he must sneak away every afternoon while I’m at my desk working. I had to scold him. “Get back in line or I’m gonna have to spank your trunk!” He quickly waddled back into line.
I don’t even know who the Justice is in this program, but he’s definitely from Texas. The Plaintiff in this case was an owner of a wedding reception center. She was suing a young lady for $4000 for giving too little notice for the cancellation of her wedding. I think the owner of the reception center would have dropped the allegations if the young lady would consider falling in love with the former fiancé again. After a few minutes of debate, the gavel came down and the ruling was for the Defendant to fall in love with somebody and marry him at Plaintiff’s reception center. You gotta love Texas!
2:15 pm
Honda is out in the parking lot honking his horn….. A man’s voice comes over the PA system: “Mr. Moser, your car is ready.”
I just wished you had revealed your true identity as a comedy writer a long time ago.
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