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Selfish Driving

I know I'm selfish when I drive.

The true ugliness that lurks in our souls doesn't always come out, but in traffic, it comes out plenty.

When you're stuck in traffic, you hate everybody. "Oh, look at this idiot! Why doesn't he just go? He sees I'm here, doesn't he? Why wouldn't he go? Come on, go go go go GO! If you would just go, there would be no traffic. That's why there's traffic: your failure to go!"

We always seem to be in a hurry no matter where our destination. You could be on your way to a dentist appointment to have him play Carol of the Bells with your nerves, and you're still angry at the person in front of you for not driving faster. "Get a move on Cowboy! Can't you see you are the bane of my existence? Why are you driving like that? I have a much more pleasurable experience awaiting me with Mr. Dentist. He's going to suck my brains right out of my head with a drill and a hose!"

Never mind the fact there are cars in front of him. He's clearly not the problem, but he has become your enemy. You have been staring at the back of his head for so long that you've figured out where he gets his hair cut. "Bikini Cuts".

You'd feel so much better if you could just be where he's at, because then you'd be one step closer to where you want to be. You carelessly change lanes to get around him, cut him off, then hold up a sign that reads, "No need to guess, mine is cut at Great Clips!"

You feel so much better about yourself, because your selfish motive has paid off. You're now going to get to your destination in 0.30 seconds faster than you would have before, but ooops, you picked the wrong lane and Mr. Bikini Cuts zips past you in a faster lane. "Grrrrr!" You're infuriated!

You once again obsess about the person in front of you. You want to be this person. "If I could be where he is, I would be so happy. Let me be in front of him. That's all I want. If I could just be where he is now, I would never ask for anything again, I swear."

Of course when you get to where he is, you're still not happy. "Look where he is now, the lucky dog! He's still doing better than me. All these people are looking back and laughing at me, I know it."

The only way to feel better is to turn around and look at the people behind you. "Yeah, well at least I'm ahead of those losers."

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