I Say It Best When I Say Nothing At All.....

Here are some quotes from some of my favorite movies. Can you name them all? What are we playing for, you ask? A NEW CAR! Back to you Dave: 1) The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was, is lost, for none now live who remember it. 2) At Rex Kwan Do, we use the buddy system. No more flying solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times. Second off, you're gonna learn to discipline your image. You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan over here? Take a look at what I'm wearing, people. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys? Forget about it. Last off, my students will learn about self respect. You think anybody thinks I'm a failure because I go home to Starla at night? Forget about it! 3) Y'all know me. Know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish. Not like goin...

This is classic. I found this on the internet from an Australian Aviation Magazine: RULES OF THE AIR 1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory. 2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again. 3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous. 4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. 5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. 6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating. 7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky. 8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again. 9. Le...

Would you believe I actually fell asleep while having a conversation? I thought it was bad enough that I was catching some Z's at church, but sitting on a sofa and having a one-on-one with somebody? As I am typing this, I cannot tell you what Cora and I were talking about. I've been tapping into all of my memory reserves, and I cannot pull up the data. I can't even tell you who was in mid-sentence when I lost consciousness. If I was the one speaking, that's really pathetic! You may be thinking, this occurred late in the evening.....WRONG! This was the middle of the afternoon! I've had conversations with Cora and I'll be going along, then realize she is no longer responding, but this is usually late into the night, and we're both on our backs and in the comfort of our own bed. Losing consciousness in that setting is acceptable. I entered back into the land of consciousness hearing, "Hello! Are you there?" I snapped back to attention, then ' spe...

Every Sunday, it is the same routine: I shuffle all of the kids into the chapel and find our bench on the far right side of the room, a few rows from the front. Bryson usually goes in first and sits closest to the wall. Jeff follows him, then Nate and finally Rae. I try to take the place closest to the aisle, but not on the aisle because Cora plays organ frequently and needs the aisle seat when she returns from playing. My hope and expectation is that I will be able to sit next to my sweetheart. Immediately after we are seated, Jeff and Bryse begin..... "Dad, Jeff is kicking me." "Don't touch each other. Fold your arms, sit facing forward and listen to the music," I say. Thirty-four seconds pass and all is well. On the thirty-fifth second, chaos begins again: "Bryse is licking my ear." "Okay, guys! You blew it. Bryse, go sit on the other side of the bench." Bryse goes to the aisle seat. This leaves Jeff closest to the wall, then Nate......

It seems there are few times we want to be nice while driving. One of those times is when an ambulance has to get through. Suddenly, everyone cooperates. People you've been cursing at are suddenly your friends. You put away your differences as peace and harmony prevail while you clear a path for your neighbors in need. Then.... it's a mad rush for the Ambulance Wake. Everybody wants to get behind that ambulance. "I saw it first, pal. I pulled over first, so I get to go ahead of you. That's how it works!" Ever been stuck behind an accident, and when you finally see the wreckage, you're actually happy? "Here we go....here is the problem. Things should pick up now, as soon as we get past this carnage." Even when you make it to the office, it's all about you. "Sorry I'm late. Some dude's car exploded...right in front of me! Can you believe MY luck? I lost a good 15 minutes."

I was sandwiched between two men on Sunday for Gospel Doctrine; therefore, I have an excuse for my slipping in and out of consciousness. It was hot! I generally like to sit away from all people, but I had no choice in this situation. The class was packed. I snapped out of my 'vision' when I heard someone say, "LOOK AT THAT HAIR! HOW DARE YOU GO OUT IN PUBLIC LOOKING LIKE THAT?!" I spent the rest of the meeting trying to figure out what I had missed, and how did my "going into public" ever become a part of the discussion?

Have you noticed how frequently prayers in church involve the request, "take us home safely"? I heard this mentioned in three separate prayers today. This leads me to wonder, what is waiting for us on the journey home had the person praying not specifically requested we make it there safely? Are there snipers out there waiting for us? How about MACK trucks parked under shade trees waiting for the Mormons to disperse only to run us over at the first sighting. If I didn't know any better, I'd think our church meetings were held at Jurassic Park. If Brother Smith doesn't make it to church next Sunday, I'm convinced he was picked off by a Velociraptor. Let's keep those "safe journey" prayers going.

Cora and I are sitting in the family room, talking about the weather....(What we really talk about is "Mommy and Daddy Talk") Suddenly, there is a loud banging noise that comes from the basement. Shortly following the loud bang, cries and screams also rise up from the basement. Shortly following the screams and cries, threats of the worst kind, "I'm going to tell Mom!" It only takes a few short seconds before Bryse and Jeff are both standing before us, yelling over each other: Bryse: "Mom, Jeff was kicking me." Jeff: "Bryse tackled me." Bryse: "Jeff was kicking me on purpose." Jeff: "No...no...no...no...No!" Bryse: "Yes....yes...yes..Yes!" Mom: "Go back downstairs and figure out your story, then return and report. If your stories don't match, you're going to bed." A couple of minutes letter, giggling is heard from the two boys. They return and report: Jeff: "Mom, what happened was ...

It has been awhile since we've had a newspaper subscription. I love reading the paper, and I dont' know why. I don't even REALLY read it. I just like to get it, hold it and look in the general direction of the printed surface. It is the sheer challenge of actually managing to find the time to sit down with a paper that is appealing. I think that is really all it is. I'm not all that interested in the content. Sunday's paper is really the only one I take interest in. Everything during the week is just the newspaper agency's attempt at showing us they work normal 40 hour work-weeks. "Hmmm, don't bother running it through the spell checker. I don't think anybody will read us today. In fact, throw in an article about a cat that dresses himself in women's clothing." As I sit down with the Sunday paper, the first thing I do is pull out the sections I'm interested in. I lose the stock reports, the grocery coupons, stuff for sale a...

I sat in Sunday School today, quietly hiding myself amongst the sheep of the flock to avoid being called on for prayers and/or scriptures, etc. (You see, this is what men do. We do not like to be called upon to make idiots of ourselves). "Brother Moser, what can you learn from this scripture that was just read?" I clear my throat and look around the room. I think to myself, "Will I ever see these people again?" You see....this is how we justify our actions. We always look around the room and wonder if we'll see these people again. As long as the answer is no, I can act the part of the real me. Unfortunately, I know I will see these people again next week. Darn! "I learn from this scripture that I need to attend my meetings on Sunday, pray regularly and do my home teaching!" Ooops! I realize that is my standard answer to the priesthood questions....."do my home teaching!" Too late to change that now. I should have been paying attention. ...

Big, fuzzy bumblebee floating in the breeze Tries to make soft landings on the flowers or the trees. Just before touching down on the landing strip, Sneezes and he tumbles down, landing on his lip. "Cursed are these ghastly wings made of plastic wrap! Why can't I be a cat instead, and sit on someone's lap?" Mother says to him as he cries and shares his woes, "Cats eat hairy mice and lick between their toes." A new day brings the courage to try and try again. On this day's landing, he scores a Perfect 10. As he bounds from petal to petal, he sees his buddy Hector. "There is no better hair gel than this flower's nectar." Two stylin' bumblebees lookin' for a date, "Let's go to Kathy's house, I hear she likes to skate." As they start their journey, the winds begin to blow; "What is all this fluffy stuff, is this what they call snow?" Half a mile later, all the land is white. Two unlucky buddies end up with fr...

I bumped into a friend of mine the other day: "Hey, how ya doin'? Everything good? You're good? Family is good? Kids are good? Good! I'm good, everything is good." We just bombarded each other with "goods." "Everything is good? Good. I'm glad you're good. It's good we're all good." There's no time for details, just headlines. "Anybody we know of die? No? Good. So everybody's good? Good." Some people actually tell you how they are, and you might not want to know. "How are you, good?" "Actually, I'm just getting over an intestinal virus...." "Oh, my, look at the time! I thought I could squeeze in a flu story, but it turns out, I cannot...."