I woke up this morning and shoveled a couple of inches of partly cloudy out of my driveway. I actually look forward to the winter season. It's a wonderful time, with the exception to that crazy holiday where a large man in a red suit gets himself stuck in my chimney every year. I figure I'll leave him there this year. I'm sure we will get used to the smell. The true benefit will be like a toilet that is clogged. Nothing will go down! It sort of changes the logic of "what goes up, must come down!"......I don't know what that means!
One of the added benefits to the winter season is having a refrigerator large enough to drive cars into. Anyone who knows me is familiar with my love for diet sodas. Can you imagine what type of a poster child I may be for Pepsi if I filled the entire garage with Diet Mountain Dew?
Anywhooo....back to shoveling partly cloudy. Cora and I both agreed that we would never buy another 'north facing' home. Well, because that was our decision, we did what was natural....make a decision that was contrary to our original decision. (Please note that this is generally a result because I am a partner in this marriage(two-headed creature). My dear wife is very smart and makes wise decisions. I am the type of person who can make John Kerry look like a sound decision maker).
Anyone who owns a 'north facing' home will know what I am talking about when I say, "may the birds of paradise fly over and poop on the windows of the 'south facing' homeowner(s)!"
Every time the snow flies, I find myself shoveling snow. My neighbors to the north rarely find an occasion when they are required to shovel snow. The good laws of nature prescribe a remedy for my neighbors. It is called sunshine. This is something my yard knows little and/or nothing about.
Yes, I suppose my ill intentions towards the 'south facing' homeowner are a bit harsh, but I only feel this way because these neighbors love to tease me.
It starts with the newspaper delivery. Our paperboy must live in a 'south facing' home, because he obviously doesn't recognize the need to bag the paper on snowy mornings. Only on a day when we end up with three feet of snow on the driveway and my neighbor to the north (let's call him Bob), only ends up with one foot of snow, does the paperboy recognize the need of putting a snow/rain coat on the paper.
Bob, obviously, is aware of my unfortunate circumstances. As I am shoveling, he retrieves his newspaper wearing nothing more than a robe and some flip-flops. He asks, "what is that strange device you are using to clean up that white, fluffy stuff that fell from the sky onto your driveway?" I kindly advise him that the device is called a snow shovel and the white fluffy stuff is called snow. He laughs and says he doesn't know what I'm talking about.
When I return home from work, I find more partly cloudy in my driveway. I spend the rest of the afternoon shoveling snow while my neighbor pulls out a lawn chair, a large umbrella, sunscreen and sunglasses. He then strips down to nothing more than a Speedo, lathers up with coconut oil and gets a nice tan.
Perhaps I can strip down to a Speedo and sun bathe in his driveway tomorrow afternoon. Nah, I'll just trade him newspapers when he isn't looking.
One of the added benefits to the winter season is having a refrigerator large enough to drive cars into. Anyone who knows me is familiar with my love for diet sodas. Can you imagine what type of a poster child I may be for Pepsi if I filled the entire garage with Diet Mountain Dew?
Anywhooo....back to shoveling partly cloudy. Cora and I both agreed that we would never buy another 'north facing' home. Well, because that was our decision, we did what was natural....make a decision that was contrary to our original decision. (Please note that this is generally a result because I am a partner in this marriage(two-headed creature). My dear wife is very smart and makes wise decisions. I am the type of person who can make John Kerry look like a sound decision maker).
Anyone who owns a 'north facing' home will know what I am talking about when I say, "may the birds of paradise fly over and poop on the windows of the 'south facing' homeowner(s)!"
Every time the snow flies, I find myself shoveling snow. My neighbors to the north rarely find an occasion when they are required to shovel snow. The good laws of nature prescribe a remedy for my neighbors. It is called sunshine. This is something my yard knows little and/or nothing about.
Yes, I suppose my ill intentions towards the 'south facing' homeowner are a bit harsh, but I only feel this way because these neighbors love to tease me.
It starts with the newspaper delivery. Our paperboy must live in a 'south facing' home, because he obviously doesn't recognize the need to bag the paper on snowy mornings. Only on a day when we end up with three feet of snow on the driveway and my neighbor to the north (let's call him Bob), only ends up with one foot of snow, does the paperboy recognize the need of putting a snow/rain coat on the paper.
Bob, obviously, is aware of my unfortunate circumstances. As I am shoveling, he retrieves his newspaper wearing nothing more than a robe and some flip-flops. He asks, "what is that strange device you are using to clean up that white, fluffy stuff that fell from the sky onto your driveway?" I kindly advise him that the device is called a snow shovel and the white fluffy stuff is called snow. He laughs and says he doesn't know what I'm talking about.
When I return home from work, I find more partly cloudy in my driveway. I spend the rest of the afternoon shoveling snow while my neighbor pulls out a lawn chair, a large umbrella, sunscreen and sunglasses. He then strips down to nothing more than a Speedo, lathers up with coconut oil and gets a nice tan.
Perhaps I can strip down to a Speedo and sun bathe in his driveway tomorrow afternoon. Nah, I'll just trade him newspapers when he isn't looking.
Ha Ha,
ReplyDeleteNice attempt at a John Kerry bash. It's too bad that the guy who squeeked out the election makes decisions by the seat of his pants. Just because he makes decisions and sticks to them, doesn't make him a sound decision maker. It just makes him stubborn.
I'm sorry about all the snow too. I went golfing on New Years Eve at 8:00 in the morning in Norman. I shot a lousy game despite my 2 pars but a lousy game of golf in december is still better than shoveling snow. By the way, it was 75 degrees out.
Good luck with the speedo thing. You'll have to post a picture.
you're a real card. no blog today? I was hoping to have something new to read. I have a north facing house as well, so I know your pain. Next time I buy a house, the only thing North in it will be North Saint George. :)
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