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What Do You Know?

One of my biggest fears is that two thousand years from now, they'll dig me up and start asking me questions about the Universe:

INQUISITOR: "Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?"

ME: "Hmmm, well, I don't know the answer to that one....give me another one."

INQUISITOR: "Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, but dishwashing detergent is made with real lemons?"

ME: "Well, I lived in America. Everything we ate had something artificial, are you suggesting I drink dish detergent?"

INQUISITOR: "Does killing time damage eternity?"

ME: "I'm not sure, but if you'll put me back in the ground and let me sleep, I'll tell you later."

INQUISITOR: "Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?"

ME: "Only with a bar of soap."

INQUISITOR: "If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?"

ME: "Don't be ridiculous! Astronauts can't kiss wearing those funny helmets."

INQUISITOR: "If cats and dogs didn't have fur, would you still pet them?"

ME: "I lost my fur a long time ago.... do you want to pet me?"

INQUISTOR: "If peanut butter cookies are made with peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?"

ME: "Don't be silly! That's like asking me who is buried in Grant's Tomb. Of course Girl Scout cookies are made out of Girl Scouts....they just have to be de-boned."

INQUISITOR: "If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?"

ME: "I haven't had Chinese food for a long, long time.....can we get it to go?"

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