Shortly before I served an LDS Mission in Recife, Brazil, I was lazily enjoying an afternoon at home; listening to music. The phone rang, and my brother answered.
"Corey, the phone is for you!"
"Who is it?"
"It's Todd."
Todd was a friend from High School and he probably wanted to hang out. I casually made my way to the phone, winked at my siblings and said, "watch this."
I picked up the phone, lifted the receiver to my ear and began making a series of sounds. I started with the clearing of my throat, "Hmmmm..aaaaa....*cough, cough* hmmm, hmmm, ack, ack"
After going on with the throat clearing noises for about 30 seconds, I began belching the alphabet, "A, B, C, D......."
My brothers and sister were laughing.
After the alphabet, I started hopping up and down with my arms rounded in a downward hang; fingers dangling. I made the sounds of a gorilla, "heeeee heeee haaaa haaaa oooooohhhh oooohhhh" Every once in awhile I would scratch my arm pits and head.
Now, because of all of the crazy sounds that surfaced from my vocal chords, I DID have to clear my throat. I began that routine all over again.
This entire theatrical performance lasted a little over two-minutes long.
I then proceeded with an introduction with my best Count Dracula voice, "I'd like to bite your neck and drink your blood."
I finally decided to give Todd (the caller) an opportunity to speak.
The voice that came through the phone was not Todd's. It was my ecclesiastical leader, "This is Bishop Gines."
My knees immediately buckled; my blood drained from my face and I began sweating profusely. I didn't know how to respond, so I reached up and placed the telephone's receiver back on its cradle.
I walked back to my room and closed the door; turned my music back on and tried to forget the afternoon's event.
If I remember correctly, I don't think I returned to church for at least a few weeks.
"Corey, the phone is for you!"
"Who is it?"
"It's Todd."
Todd was a friend from High School and he probably wanted to hang out. I casually made my way to the phone, winked at my siblings and said, "watch this."
I picked up the phone, lifted the receiver to my ear and began making a series of sounds. I started with the clearing of my throat, "Hmmmm..aaaaa....*cough, cough* hmmm, hmmm, ack, ack"
After going on with the throat clearing noises for about 30 seconds, I began belching the alphabet, "A, B, C, D......."
My brothers and sister were laughing.
After the alphabet, I started hopping up and down with my arms rounded in a downward hang; fingers dangling. I made the sounds of a gorilla, "heeeee heeee haaaa haaaa oooooohhhh oooohhhh" Every once in awhile I would scratch my arm pits and head.
Now, because of all of the crazy sounds that surfaced from my vocal chords, I DID have to clear my throat. I began that routine all over again.
This entire theatrical performance lasted a little over two-minutes long.
I then proceeded with an introduction with my best Count Dracula voice, "I'd like to bite your neck and drink your blood."
I finally decided to give Todd (the caller) an opportunity to speak.
The voice that came through the phone was not Todd's. It was my ecclesiastical leader, "This is Bishop Gines."
My knees immediately buckled; my blood drained from my face and I began sweating profusely. I didn't know how to respond, so I reached up and placed the telephone's receiver back on its cradle.
I walked back to my room and closed the door; turned my music back on and tried to forget the afternoon's event.
If I remember correctly, I don't think I returned to church for at least a few weeks.
Hahahahahaha! I LOVE that story! Talk about your all-time classics... but I seem to recall it happening AFTER your mission, not before! I suppose I could be mistaken. Either way, I bet Bishop Gines still thinks you're weird and perhaps he has nightmares about it to this very day. I hope so. That would be funny!
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