Amusement Parks - Herd Us Like Sheep And Call It Fun

Yesterday was our Stake Lagoon Day, or in other words, a date set aside for our local church group to take a day and spend at an amusement park, called Lagoon, which is located in Farmington, Utah.  There have been times we've had season passes, but in other years we usually make an annual trip with our church or with another function that may provide discounts from the current admission price of $45.95.  With six children, this will add up quickly.  Let's see, take $45.95 and multiply that by eight people.....yes, that's right it is about double the cost of what we spend to fill up our Ford Excursion.

I find myself justifying the cost of almost anything with how much we spend to fill up the gas tank on our Excursion.  If we buy country/western attire for our kids, that's about the cost of an Excursion fill up.  If we go out to dinner as a family.  Yup, that's about the cost of an Excursion fill up..... you get the idea.  It makes it less painful and makes everything seem a fair price to enjoy ourselves.  "Hey Honey, that ginormous television is only about four or five times the cost of an Excursion fill up.  Whattaya say?"

Coralee about to float away with our youngest and some of her cousins.

I used to love days at Lagoon.  I was like any kid who could spend hours there and want to go on every ride and do it multiple times until the park closed.  Even as a young parent, it was fun to watch our young kids experience the flying airplanes, rockets and boats.

Then you reach a point where you have some children who are just old enough they want to experience the big rides and think they're completely independent and should be able to roam the park freely.  However, parental logic says they're not quite old enough to do this.  You remind everybody that "we need to stick together as a family."  You're also still young enough as a parent that you want to ride some of those big rides with those bigger kids, but your spouse also would like to ride them.  Time must be coordinated so the little children are having their experiences with the rides that entertain them, but you're also equalizing opportunities for you, your spouse and the big kids.  We all want to be entertained.  So far so good....right?

Up, up and away.  Meet you at the bottom.  Hope you get soaked!!!

A couple more years pass and you feel more comfortable about letting the big kids take off and do their own thing.  The little kids are no longer fascinated by the rides that entertained them.  They all now want to ride the big rides.  Here is where frustration sets in.  Signs are posted at every ride with height restrictions.  Well, let's call it what it really is, "not quite tall enough" restrictions.  Each year we return to Lagoon, at least one child is still half an inch too short to ride the majority of the rides.  The child is not content to ride anything but those big rides, and if we take the time to ride something that is "height" appropriate; the bigger kids who are still tagging along with you are bored out of their minds because they're not riding what they WANT to ride.

Family togetherness is thrown out the window and your wife says, "why don't you take the big kids and go catch a few rides and I'll take the other kids around."  You agree this should work out, but the minute you walk away you already feel guilty that you're going to be riding all the fun rides while she is left with all the kids who will require the most attention.  Your wife is left to make sure one or more of them doesn't wander off into a crowd of so many people that it would take search and rescue teams to find the lost child.  You have just left your wife to coordinate "potty" breaks for children of both genders.  You have left your wife with a child who is a Type 1 Diabetic who has had blood glucose levels drop to unsafe levels and then skyrocket to unsafe levels in a matter of minutes.  You have left your wife with so many children that ride operators are telling her she doesn't have enough "responsible riders" to allow all of the children to participate.  You have left your wife with children who have no desire to ride some rides, but others who are very anxious to ride and cannot be left alone.

You know your wife is dealing with all of this.....and more.

You get in line for a ride and your son has been talking to you for several minutes and you don't hear a word he says because you're preoccupied with thoughts of what your wife is dealing with.  You mindlessly ride a rollercoaster, not realizing you have done so.  Your son says, "did you enjoy that?"  I just stare at him blankly and pat him on the head and say, "sure Son, now eat all of your broccoli."

Three rides later, you're texting your wife and telling her how miserable you are and "be glad she isn't you."

As a father of multiple children, you quickly learn to disguise your pleasures with slumped shoulders and oversized clothing.  I keep a bottle of tabasco sauce in my pocket and I squirt it in my eyes occasionally to give a bloodshot appearance.  You do this because you know you're nowhere near as overworked and do as much as your wife, but you have to put on the rouse that you are.

Wild kids on a Wild Mouse.

After about five rides, your guilt has completely overtaken you and you are texting your wife trying to figure out where she is so you can coordinate meeting up with her.  Once you meet up with her, you encourage her to go on the big rides with your son, but also secretly hoping she doesn't leave you with all of the younger kids.  

As the day drags on, I think of the experience of being herded through gates like sheep and being told "you're not tall enough."  This is what we call fun.  In the words of Rodeo Clown, Giz Mo McCracken, "I don't need that kind of aggravation."  Please remember to keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times and enjoy your day, here at Lagoon.