It was Cora's birthday on Thursday. Happy Birthday Honey! Sorry about the cake. You think I forgot to make one. The somewhat fabricated story goes like this:
I was sitting at work on Thursday and realized I was completely prepared for your birthday with the exception of your cake. I wanted this to be a special cake, so I Google'd to find out how to make a great chocolate cake. I came across a recipe that apparently is the World's Most Perfectly Moist Chocolate Cake.
The recipe required a visit to the Chocolate Factory, currently operated by Charlie Bucket. I checked my schedule and figured if all the stars were aligned, I could get to the factory, bake your cake, and be home in time to go out to dinner.
When I arrived at the Chocolate Factory, an Oompa Loompa greeted me. Because I am small in stature, the Oompa Loompa believed I was his cousin, Dominic. He scolded me for having snuck out of the factory that night. He quickly escorted me to the locker room and had me change into the proper "candy making" attire.
I tried to convince him I was a man from the "real world" and that I needed to get back. He told me not to speak of such nonsense and put me to work. I was warned that if I mentioned something like that again, and if anyone else overheard the conversation, I would be assigned to the Golden Goose clean-up station. I was once chased by a goose while a young child. Geese scare me, so the wise decision was to keep quiet and go to work.
I was assigned to the cake-baking factory. I chuckled to myself thinking I could still get what I needed from this place, then make my escape and return home with a nice scrumdidlyumptious chocolate cake.
The recipe called for many of the ingredients I am familiar with: sugar, flour, cocoa, eggs, vegetable oil, etc. The final ingredient, that makes the cake so moist, is a KFC moist towlette.
I was on the team that had to tear the wrapper, then carefully remove the towlette and hoist it into the batter. Now, because we were baking cakes by the thousands that day, we were required to take a normal sized recipe and multiply it by 5,923. You can imagine how big this mixing bowl was.
While I was leaning over the railing, several feet above the mixing bowl, I lost my balance and I fell into the batter.
While I was swimming around inside the bowl, I bumped into Augustus Gloop. He was trying to dog paddle his way to the surface. I tried to help him, but he thought I was a giant chocolate bar in the shape of an Oompa Loompa, so he bit my elbow. I screamed in pain, and as I did so, the chocolate flooded by lungs. I quickly sank to the bottom of the bowl, convinced my life had just ended.
Just then, Colonel Sanders and his chickens flew in and lifted me out of the bowl. They carried me off to a local KFC and had a spring chicken named Mildred administer CPR. I was then debriefed and given the secret recipe to the Colonel's chicken. Strangely, his recipe also uses moist towlettes.
When I returned to my office, it was nearly 4:00 PM. I had no time. I had to rush home....sadly, without the cake.
My apologies to you, my love! On a positive note, now that I know how to bake the chocolate cake, I will have a year to perfect it.
I was sitting at work on Thursday and realized I was completely prepared for your birthday with the exception of your cake. I wanted this to be a special cake, so I Google'd to find out how to make a great chocolate cake. I came across a recipe that apparently is the World's Most Perfectly Moist Chocolate Cake.
The recipe required a visit to the Chocolate Factory, currently operated by Charlie Bucket. I checked my schedule and figured if all the stars were aligned, I could get to the factory, bake your cake, and be home in time to go out to dinner.
When I arrived at the Chocolate Factory, an Oompa Loompa greeted me. Because I am small in stature, the Oompa Loompa believed I was his cousin, Dominic. He scolded me for having snuck out of the factory that night. He quickly escorted me to the locker room and had me change into the proper "candy making" attire.
I tried to convince him I was a man from the "real world" and that I needed to get back. He told me not to speak of such nonsense and put me to work. I was warned that if I mentioned something like that again, and if anyone else overheard the conversation, I would be assigned to the Golden Goose clean-up station. I was once chased by a goose while a young child. Geese scare me, so the wise decision was to keep quiet and go to work.
I was assigned to the cake-baking factory. I chuckled to myself thinking I could still get what I needed from this place, then make my escape and return home with a nice scrumdidlyumptious chocolate cake.
The recipe called for many of the ingredients I am familiar with: sugar, flour, cocoa, eggs, vegetable oil, etc. The final ingredient, that makes the cake so moist, is a KFC moist towlette.
I was on the team that had to tear the wrapper, then carefully remove the towlette and hoist it into the batter. Now, because we were baking cakes by the thousands that day, we were required to take a normal sized recipe and multiply it by 5,923. You can imagine how big this mixing bowl was.
While I was leaning over the railing, several feet above the mixing bowl, I lost my balance and I fell into the batter.
While I was swimming around inside the bowl, I bumped into Augustus Gloop. He was trying to dog paddle his way to the surface. I tried to help him, but he thought I was a giant chocolate bar in the shape of an Oompa Loompa, so he bit my elbow. I screamed in pain, and as I did so, the chocolate flooded by lungs. I quickly sank to the bottom of the bowl, convinced my life had just ended.
Just then, Colonel Sanders and his chickens flew in and lifted me out of the bowl. They carried me off to a local KFC and had a spring chicken named Mildred administer CPR. I was then debriefed and given the secret recipe to the Colonel's chicken. Strangely, his recipe also uses moist towlettes.
When I returned to my office, it was nearly 4:00 PM. I had no time. I had to rush home....sadly, without the cake.
My apologies to you, my love! On a positive note, now that I know how to bake the chocolate cake, I will have a year to perfect it.
Almost the same thing happened to me on my wife's birthday! Wierd.
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